The past actually happened but history is only what someone wrote down.
I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.
Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.
I'm not an athiest. How can you not believe in something that doesn't exist? That's way too convoluted for me.
A group of white South Africans recently killed a black lawyer because he was black. That was wrong. They should have killed him because he was a lawyer.
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
I am as frustrated with society as a pyromaniac in a petrified forest.
There are a billion people in China. It's not easy to be an individual in a crowd of more than a billion people. Think of it. More than a BILLION people. That means even if you're a one-in-a-million type of guy, there are still a thousand guys exactly like you.
My Grandmother told me that there was a passage in the bible that says, It is better to spill your seed in the belly of a whore, than to spill it on the ground. So, I tried both. And the bible's right! It's way better. That's one of the reasons they call it the good book.
Waterboarding -- that's what America does to its prisoners now. Dunking them in water until they confess. Of course, you have to remember -- we uncovered a lot of witches that way. So, credit where credit is due.
I never joined, but I used to go to church now and then. I liked it, because they always passed out plates of money at the end.