My parents were very pleased that I was in the army. The fact that I hated it somehow pleased them even more.
New Zealand is a country of thirty thousand million sheep, three million of whom think they are human.
Australia is an outdoor country. People only go inside to use the toilet. And that's only a recent development.
To live in Australia permanently is rather like going to a party and dancing all night with one's mother.
Most of my contemporaries at school entered the World of Business, the logical destiny of bores.
Sex is the most beautiful thing that can take place between a happily married man and his secretary.
A lot of people, for reasons I can't understand, are puzzled to learn I drive. In fact I have been driven since I was 18 and have never had an accident or been clamped.
Just get up there and neigh!
Dame Edna: The Royal Tour
He's not anyone I've played before
And so I set these things down before the onset of the first of a thousand small physical degradations as, in a still-distant suburb, Death strides whistling towards me.
There is no more terrible fate for a comedian than to be taken seriously.