I hope people of the future will remember my books for being burned, and I challenge an elite few to imagine the embers of the last copy.
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As long as the inability to find clear values in our absurd lives continues to be unavoidable, war and misery and death will never cease to be highly entertaining.
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Nowadays, all a man can do to be original is to cite the earliest known quote on that subject. Women, though, have no problem being original. In fact, women are always being original. I constantly have to tell my wife to stop talking so much nonsense.
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I want everyone to throw sugar and cream at each other, then lie about it. I want to attend an ice cream antisocial.
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My bootlegger used up all the whiskey when he went on that drive, but I drank his gasoline before he left. I really should have checked his tank before chugging that bottle.
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I don't want my wife to have more sons; the two we have now are too much like her. When we're ready for another child, I'm cloning myself.
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One last moment of inspiration is worth more than the most efficient oxygen machine.
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I would rather die than be a plumber, but thanks to lead I can do both.
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History is an endless repetition of the element of surprise.
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Look, a mushroom cloud!Releasing fungus on us, huh? Hold your nose.
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When someone says something offensive and I want to voice my opinion, I hire a spokesman to beat that person up.
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The word 'no' is important for maintaining one's chastity, but 'porno' is indispensable. I always keep a dirty magazine tucked in my pants to ward off sexual pressure.
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Always be nice to people to their face. Then when they turn around, berate the back of their head.
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Theists count themselves among the aforementioned. They affirm they will be saved a lot of confusion.
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I'm courteous to most, but antisocial among polite society.
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