I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer.
Silence is not only golden; it is seldom misquoted.
The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I must remember to take enough toilet paper next time.
People who hadn't noticed me, or who had written me off as a game show host, started to reassess me. There were people who hadn't seen me as a stand-up artist and liked it. Suddenly I was in fashion again.
People always say: You're a comedian, tell us a joke. They don't say: You're an MP, tell us a lie.
I've always known that I polarise opinion. Some people respond with enthusiasm and affection. In others, I awaken a lot of hostility.
I was a born club comic. Radio and TV and stage were fine, but I found my real home in cabaret.
I suddenly realised I could maybe occupy a different position because of age, a kind of acceptance.
I'd like to die like my old dad, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming like his passengers.
I can still enjoy sex at 74 - I live at 75, so it's no distance.