Marriage is about the most expensive way for the average man to get laundry done
My movies were the kind they show in prisons and airplanes, because nobody can leave.
You can only hold your stomach in for so many years
I can sing as well as Fred Astaire can act.
The best way not to fail again is to be absolutely positive that when you do it this time, you're going to do it right.
The moment you grab someone by the lapels, you're lost.
A woman mistook me for Brando. I [tried to] dissuade her but she kept coming back insisting I was Brando.
Now, in the middle of the night, you hear me wake up in this cold sweat going, 'Bond, James Bond'
I was doing the Carson show.
Jay (Leno) is wonderful and a good friend, but it will always be the Carson show to a lot of people.