One should never give up on hope. Unless that's the name of the girl who cheated on you in which case, yeah, give her up.
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He who laughs last.. Just didn't get the joke.
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Slap-stick comedy is really funny, unless you're the one getting slapped with the stick.
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What goes up must come down. Which is why we invented Viagra, to make it stay up a little longer.
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All I wanted for Christmas was a New Years Eve party that I would never forget. Too bad I got too drunk to remember it.
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How am I going to explain to my kids one day that I can't buy them a happy meal because the toy will make them fat?
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Don't bite off more than you can chew because nobody looks attractive spitting it back out.
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I never fail. It's just that the people around me succeed more than I.
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If you want to dance the dance then you better learn the steps, the world has enough pretenders. If you want to practice sex then you better find a partner, and to love you must surrender.
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Luck is the bastard child of Fate and Destiny.
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Today I feel like I did tomorrow.
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If they're not going to respect you, then they best damn well fear you.
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Cool people are only cool for the first thirty minutes of knowing them. After that, they just become annoying.
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Knowledge may be power, but half of what I know I wish I could forget.
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Intelligence is being intelligent enough to know you're not so intelligent as you intelligently once thought.
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