Today I feel like I did tomorrow.
Carroll Bryant
One should never give up on hope. Unless that's the name of the girl who cheated on you in which case, yeah, give her up.
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He who laughs last.. Just didn't get the joke.
funny humor humorous funny-but-true humorous-quotes
Slap-stick comedy is really funny, unless you're the one getting slapped with the stick.
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What goes up must come down. Which is why we invented Viagra, to make it stay up a little longer.
funny humor humorous comical
All I wanted for Christmas was a New Years Eve party that I would never forget. Too bad I got too drunk to remember it.
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How am I going to explain to my kids one day that I can't buy them a happy meal because the toy will make them fat?
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Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.
happiness humorous solemnity
I strive for perfection - I settle for satisfaction
philosophy humorous personal
Luck is the bastard child of Fate and Destiny.
funny humor comedy humorous entertainment
funny humor comedy humorous humorous-quotes
If they're not going to respect you, then they best damn well fear you.
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Some people make things happen. Some people watch things happen. And then there are those who wonder, 'What the hell just happened?
humorous humorous-quotations
Cool people are only cool for the first thirty minutes of knowing them. After that, they just become annoying.
funny humor people humorous
There is no need to masturbate your brain, just to ejaculate your thoughts all over the place
philisophical humorous
If I had wanted children of my own, I would have gotten married. If I had wanted to get married, I would have fallen in love. If I had wanted to fall in love, I would have met the right girl. If I had wanted to meet the right girl, I would have drank a whole lot less.
humorous
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