Doesn't matter what you say or do; people can always find a way to call you a dick.
Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people the cops. But you know, sometimes, you've just got no choice; those kids gotta get to school!
For a long time the people at my shows were sort of the Pantera-tattoo trucker guys, really cool dudes, but I don't know what happened to them. That's the crowd that I like, the ones that don't get so offended just to be offended.
I keep getting these people at my shows who only know me from television. I can always tell when they're, like, emotionally flinching when I start doing my jokes.
Even now, as we speak, people are having sex with animals. And we wonder why the animals attack us.
Some people are against porno movies. And I say hey, Ohio, Kentucky, and Iran: I say, hey - whatever a man, and a woman, and another woman with a penis and a midget do to a donkey, that's their garsh-darn business.