When you f*** a Vampire, you get a free hat.
Daven Anderson
You don't get to be the president of anything if you have bad manners.
funny humor politics vampire
Consider this a one-thousand horsepower divorce, sweetheart
heartbreak vampire lost-love divorce
How come they get to be gray-haired and still in love with each other, while Lilly tears out what's left of my heart and dumps it into her Jill-The-Ripper shredder?
heartbreak lost vampire jack-the-ripper
funny humor vampire sex sexy-humor
Since I can't turn into a bat and fly, I'll still need my bus pass
funny humor flight vampire fly
I hate it when I go into a Snack Shack and they're out of Blue Ice. The other slushie flavors taste like cheap candy.
funny humor vampire
My turner Mah'Lor is with me forever as well. At least his head is.
funny humor vampire head
I floor the gas pedal. The Sonoramic Commando V-8 growls like an angry tiger and leapfrogs us ahead of the traffic.
vampire
Centuries of perfectly-pitched heartbreak resound through Les' microphone as Stella and I embrace in a slow dance.
dance singing vampire
We even commissioned a smaller pair of these statues for the baggage claim area in the regular lobby. Gives all those Normal conspiracy nuts something to talk about besides the Blue Mustang. They think our statues are the work of Masons or reptilian beings. Ha.
conspiracy vampire blue
You can't do that, it makes too much sense.
funny humor insight philosophy-of-life
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