Heredity is a splendid phenomenon that relieves us of responsibility for our shortcomings.
Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush.
Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk.
The reason people blame things on the previous generations is that there's only one other choice.
For disappearing acts, it's hard to beat what happens to the eight hours supposedly left after eight of sleep and eight of work.
Wisdom is the quality that keeps you from getting into situations where you need it.
More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.
A child is a person who can't understand why someone would give away a perfectly good kitten.
Some of the world's greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enought to know they were impossible.
The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it.
If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles.
There are worse things than getting a call for the wrong number at 4 AM. It could be the right number.
An optimist thinks this is the best of all worlds. A pessimist fears the same may be true.
If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.
If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend.
A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success.
Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties.
Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties.
Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.
A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.
Democracy is a form of government in which it is permitted to wonder aloud what the country could do under first-class management
Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.
The world is full of people looking for spectacular happiness while they snub contentment.
Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two, opulence is when you have three - and paradise is when you have none.
Nostalgia: A device that removes the ruts and potholes from memory lane.