Only a weak mind seeks ultimate answers.
When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.
My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for forty years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions
You never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a little potbelly and a bald spot
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.
We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, 'You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms.'
I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me.
Wouldn't it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers?
I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body.
Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?
To listen to your own silence is the key to comedy.