The only thing that scares me more than space aliens is the idea that there aren't any space aliens. We can't be the best that creation has to offer. I pray we're not all there is. If so, we're in big trouble.
True beauty is not related to what color your hair is or what color your eyes are. True beauty is about who you are as a human being, your principles, your moral compass.
Be kind to one another. Bye, bye.
It makes a big difference in your life when you stay positive.
Dan: 'Ah, well, I hope this didn't have anything to do with me.'Ellen: 'No, not unless you played Cat Woman in Batman.
I wonder what will happen if i put a hand cream on my feet, will they get confused and start clapping?
I was raised around heterosexuals, as all heterosexuals are, that's where us gay people come from... you heterosexuals.
Don't you hate when people are late to work. And they always have the worst excuses. Oh, I'm sorry I'm late, traffic. Traffic, huh? How do you think I got here; helicoptered in!?
I don't want to get the same looks I give people when they get on a plane holding a baby: That's a cute baby, just keep walking, keep walking, keep going, keep going....
But seriously, I think overall in the scheme of things winning an Emmy is not important. Let's get our priorities straight. I think we all know what's really important in life - winning an Oscar.
If we don't want to define ourselves by things as superficial as our appearances, we're stuck with the revolting alternative of being judged by our actions, by what we do.
Now we have hands-free phones, so you can focus on the thing you're really supposed to be doing... chances are, if you need both of your hands to do something, your brain should be in on it too.
I'm on the patch right now. Where it releases small dosages of approval until I no longer crave it, and then I'm gonna rip it off.
Nothing says holidays, like a cheese log.