People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.
I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.
I was raised around heterosexuals, as all heterosexuals are, that's where us gay people come from... you heterosexuals.
Don't you hate when people are late to work. And they always have the worst excuses. Oh, I'm sorry I'm late, traffic. Traffic, huh? How do you think I got here; helicoptered in!?
I don't want to get the same looks I give people when they get on a plane holding a baby: That's a cute baby, just keep walking, keep walking, keep going, keep going....