I am not a glutton I am an explorer of food.
You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody's home.
Never order food in excess of your body weight.
It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE. Loosely translated, this means, You're on your own, Bernice.
Mother's words of wisdom: Answer me! Don't talk with food in your mouth!
Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart.
The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
I come from a home where gravy is a beverage.