Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.
All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.
You're only as good as your last haircut.
Andy Warhol made fame more famous.
Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.
Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep.
Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.
Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable.
Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try.
Humility is no substitute for a good personality.
I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or or not.
I must take issue with the term 'a mere child,' for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.
Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.
Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.
If you are truly serious about preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract teach him to deduct.
The most common error made in matters of appearance is the belief that one should disdain the superficial and let the true beauty of one's soul shine through. If there are places on your body where this is a possibility, you are not attractive-you are leaking.
Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.
The controversial overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.
Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications.
Special-interest publications should realize that if they are attracting enough advertising and readers to make a profit, the interest is not so special.
When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough.
If you removed all of the homosexuals and homosexual influence from what is generally regarded as American culture, you would pretty much be left with Let's Make a Deal
If you're going to America, bring your own food.
My favorite animal is steak.