I hope it's that she simply doesn't figure large enough in his life to be worth mentioning, Vita thought. And then she thought, if that was the case. It was therefore rather pathetic that Suzie loomed larger for her than for Tim, that Suzie was in some ways a more real presence in her life than in his. What she thought it boiled down to was that she really didn't want the woman he left her for to be the true, profound love of his life.I auditioned for that role. I put so much effort into it, I loved it. I'm not ready to let it go to someone else. But you keep forgetting he didn't leave you, Vita - you left him. And then she thought, is this a slewed version of Aesop's dog in the manger? I don't want him - but I don't want him wanting anyone else?And then she thought, For God's sake, shut up! This is doing me no good at all. All this thinking and wondering that I do isn't going to change him or the past. What a waste of quarter of an hour - sifting through all that emotional JUNK. She knew there was nothing of value in it- she'd been through it with a fine toothcomb over and again.
Freya North
She didn't want to be reminded of her past or how different her present was from the future she'd taken for granted.
future past present heartache
It's not a persons mistakes which define them - it's the way they make amends.
mistakes
She's finding it hard to cope - her hopes have been dashed, the future she dreamed about has gone and she's scared about that. There's nothing in its place. She wants you back. She doesn't want to let go of everything it meant to her.? Because the world seems horribly big and empty. Because the future is a very frightening concept when you'd previously planned on sharing it with someone. Because she's a girl, she's a romantic and she fears if she lets? Go of her dream, she'll live a nightmare. Because she has a hope and she fears if she lets her hope go, who will she be?The effort, the pain of clinging on is preferable to the wide-open fear of letting go.
letting-go
It's chemical, fancying him is purely chemical. It's intoxicating - the frisson, the attraction - it's intoxicating because it's purely chemical. But you'll just have to remember the wedding ring - divorcees don't wear wedding rings. This guy has his own Vita at home. You're his potential Suzie. Is that who you want to be? Do you want the next man in your life to have Tim's principles?
attraction
infidelity
Am I falling in love? She thought, is it safe to do so with this man? She thought, I don't need to answer.
falling-in-love
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