George Carlin quotes on humor

I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.

duty humor tso-funny

I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect.

funny hell humor insightful

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

driving humor tso-funny

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating...<br/><br/><br/>...and you finish off as an orgasm.

humor tso-funny tso-life

The planet is fine. The people are fucked.

humanity humor tso-funny

That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.

america dream humor tso-funny wealth

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.

dreams humor people thetimes time tso-funny work

So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.

death family fun hell humor tso-funny

If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely?

death funny-but-true humor tso-funny

Electricity is really just organized lighting

anarchy electricity freedom humor lightning perspective tso-funny

If everyone in the world sat quietly at the same time, closed their eyes and concentrated as hard as they could on peace and goodwill, all the killing and cruelty in the world would continue. And probably increase.

compassion humor peace tso-funny

As it stands right now, I lead Richard Pryor in heart attacks, two to one. However, Richard still leads me, one to nothing, in burning yourself up.

comedy humor tso-funny

How is it possible to have a civil war?

euphemism humor terminology tso-funny war