I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose.. It'll be much harder to detect.
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Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told not to fuck
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things
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The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating..<br/><br/><br/>.. And you finish off as an orgasm.
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Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man.. Living in the sky. Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you. He loves you and he needs money.
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The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
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Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
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That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
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Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.
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I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us very much, and keeps a close eye on things. I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize, something is fucked up.
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So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
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