Many a crown of wisdom is but the golden chamberpot of success, worn with pompous dignity.
A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.
Most people play a fair game of golf - If you watch them.
Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.
May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions
Bankruptcy is a legal proceeding in which you put your money in your pants pocket and give your coat to your creditors
The difference between playing the stock market and the horses is that one of the horses must win.
If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all.
If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business.
Smack your child every day. If you don't know why - he does.
A bikini is like a barbed-wire fence. It protects the property without obstructing the view.
Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.
People are still willing to do an honest day's work. The trouble is they want a week's pay for it.
Rockefeller once explained the secret of success. 'Get up early, work late - and strike oil.
Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.