For the greater good, I thought I should be a spiritual leader for people for some reason.
I actually enjoy being heckled; it keeps it interesting, and I think it is a nice feeling for people once they have left the show.
If an original piece of wardrobe came up from Star Wars, I'd probably spend a lot of money on it.
I use very few muscles at the best of times.
You can sway an audience if you win the women over. The gentlemen will follow 'cause they can be so foolish like that at times, they are easily led.
My work's never been accepted by my family, but it's something I'll always carry on with.
My forte is playing drunks down the ages. When my agent rings me about a role, I don't ask what the part is, but what century it's in.
It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether.
I trained to be a priest - started to. I went to seminary school when I was 11. I wanted to be a priest, but when they told me I could never have sex, not even on my birthday, I changed my mind.
With stand-up you've just got that one chance. Audiences can be quite fickle.
I also want to return to doing stand-up. I've become frightened of live audiences. This is a really telling sign that I need to go back on the comedy circuit again.
We all have days where we can't pronounce things or give it the emotion it deserves.
There's this idea that it has to be made in London. But we've got everything up here, and if you've got comics who are gifted because of where they're from, you shouldn't drag them away from that natural resource.
You can't be a proper comic unless you've been out on stage and felt the fear.
I used to be good with kids, but as I get older, I'm grumpy and terrible with them. As for doing a gig at a 6-year old's birthday party, you couldn't pay me enough.