Before I proposed to my now-wife, I was understandably nervous. My father suggested that I take stock of all of my experiences and relationships with women, from my earliest memories to present day, and see if I had learned anything that might inform my decision.
Justin Halpern
You're like a tornado of bullshit right now. We'll talk again when your bullshit dies out over someone else's house.
funny humor
See, you think I give a shit. Wrong. In fact, while you talk, I'm thinking; How can I give less of shit? That's why I look interested.
.. Human beings fear the unknown. So, whatever's freaking you out, grab it by the balls and say hello.
funny humor inspiration
That woman was sexy.... Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won't screw you. Don't do it for them.
women
Your penis betrayed you, son. Made you think stupid. It won't be the last time that happens.
betrayal penis
If you work hard and study hard. And you fuck up. That's okay. If you fuck up and you fuck up, then you're a fuckup
determination hard-work
You worry too much. Eat some bacon.. What? No, I got no idea if it'll make you feel better, I just made too much bacon.
worry
Eventually my dad got home from work and set his briefcase down.'So. How was practice?' he asked'It was good. Why? Did you hear it wasn't?' I said, trying to keep my cool.'Son, no offense, but you play Little League. It's not the Yankees. I don't get daily reports about who's hitting the shit out of the ball
humorous-quotations
My instructor was a skinny guy in his midtwenties who had a shaved head that was always peeling from sunburns and who could only have smelled more like marijuana if he'd been made of it. The training vehicle was a mid- '80s tan Nissan that had working breaks on the passenger side; He often got his jollies slamming them on for no reason and then between wheezing laughs saying 'You were all like 'I'm in control of the car' and then I hit the brakes and shit and you were all like 'whaaaat?
I just wanted to compile these stories about growing up with my father and I wanted people to be able to enjoy them individually, but also the entire book as a whole.
people
I'm not a guy who curses very much in my personal life. When I curse it sounds like a kid trying to be cool. But I think there are quite a few people, my father being one of them, who use curse words rather eloquently.
sound life curses people
The Internet has really democratized ideas. There are no real gatekeepers any more, because if you have a great idea, and you put it online, people will find it and it will get in front of who it needs to get in front of.
women experience
I kind of came to the conclusion after I did finally get married that love and relationships are just a series of horrific losses with hopefully one win.
I feel like if I'm going to give you a book about my dad, then I really want to give you my dad, because he is interesting and he is funny and if you're buying a book about him, I don't want you to have to sit through stuff that's not him.
funny dad
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