An intelligence test sometimes shows a man how smart he would have been not to have taken it.
The problem with temptation is that you may not get another chance.
A pessimist is a man who looks both ways when he crosses the street.
Democracy is a process by which people are free to choose the man who will get the blame.
Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.
Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.
Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away.
If you don't know where you're going, you will probably end up somewhere else.
Bureaucracy defends the status quo long past the time when the quo has lost its status.
The habitually punctual make all their mistakes right on time.
A man convinced against his will is not convinced.
A man doesn't know what he knows until he knows what he doesn't know.
Expert: a man who makes three correct guesses consecutively.
The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway is usually a poor judge of distance.
There are two kinds of egotists: Those who admit it, and the rest of us.
Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.
Committees have become so important nowadays that subcommittees have to be appointed to do the work.
Early to bed, early to rise, work like hell, and advertise.
Men now monopolize the upper levels... depriving women of their rightful share of opportunities for incompetence.
Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent.
The only valid rule about the proper length of a statement is that it achieve its purpose effectively.
When in doubt or danger, run in circles, scream and shout.
The great question is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with failure.
Television has changed the American child from an irresistable force to an immovable object.
Going to church doesn't make you any more a Christian than going to the garage makes you a car.