What do you mean, you Don't believe in homosexuality? It's not like the Easter Bunny, your belief isn't necessary.
Says, Well, don't you believe that life begins at inception? I say, No. I believe that life begins when you mind your own fucking business!
As a standup, I try to change the world. As an entertainer, I try to entertain. And as a lesbian, I try to pick up the prettiest girl in the room.
Oh please.. As a standup, I tried to change the world. As an entertainer, I try to entertain. And as a lesbian, I try to pick up the prettiest girl in the room. Not necessarily in that order.
I can't discriminate? Oh, that's ripe, coming from a straight white man. What's the matter, baby doesn't feel like he belongs? Well why don't you try a place that was set up just for you? Like the world!
He looked me right in the face and said, You fucking bulldyke! And I thought to myself, Oooh, what a smart man! Why, I'll bet he took one look at me and knew I was white, too!
Did you read? Let me save you the trouble. This is the most exciting sentence in the book: ..I feel like a lesbian when I'm making love to a woman. Gooooooooood, Holly! Well, the major difference between me and Holly Near is that I feel like a lesbian when I am BREATHING!
Straight girls like me. They flirt with me to get whatever they want. Of course it works.
It's a cosmic joke that I'm a lesbian, because I understand men so well but women are a complete mystery to me.
They are preserving the sanctity of marriage, so that two gay men who've been together for twenty-five years can't get married, but a guy can still get drunk in Vegas and marry a hooker at the Elvis chapel! The sanctity of marriage is saved!
No one has the responsibility to be out to anyone but himself or herself. I made my choice a million years ago.
Learn all the rules.. Then break them.
My idea as far as comedy goes has always been to push the limits of what's acceptable for a woman to do or say or be. My hero in that would be Lenny Bruce, who teaches us that words have no meaning. It's the intent behind them that is what's important.
A woman will allow herself to be clouded by her emotions. Her reasonable thought becomes completely unreasonable over the most ridiculous thing. It's a girl thing.