Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like.
fate funny humor simile
I suppose I'll have to add the force of gravity to my list of enemies.
funny humor
If writers wrote as carelessly as some people talk, then adhasdh asdglaseuyt[bn[ pasdlgkhasdfasdf.
funny humor talking writers
Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby- awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.
babies change funny humor parents tso-love
If you are a student you should always get a good nights sleep unless you have come to the good part of your book, and then you should stay up all night and let your schoolwork fall by the wayside, a phrase which means 'flunk'.
They're book addicts.
books funny humor reading
Tea should be as bitter as wormwod and as sharp as a two eged swordKit Snicket (a series of unfortunate events)
funny humor lemony-snicket series-of-unfortunate-events tea
Those unable to catalog the past are doomed to repeat it.
catalog doomed-to-repeat-it funny history humor paraphrased
This is my knife. It is very sharp and very eager to hurt you.
A passport, as I'm sure you know, is a document that one shows to government officials whenever one reaches a border between two countries, so that the official can learn who you are, where you were born, and how you look when photographed unflatteringly.
funny humor passports
As I am sure you know, when people say 'It's my pleasure,' they usually mean something along the lines of, 'There's nothing on Earth I would rather do less.' [..]
funny humor politeness
One of the greatest myths in the world -
funny humor life-truths
Sometimes, just saying that you hate something, and having someone agree with you, can make you feel better about a terrible situation.
Pietrisycamollaviadelrechiotemexity.
Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something
funny humor siblings
