Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.
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Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
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Humor is tragedy plus time
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritation and resentments slip away, and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Comedy keeps the heart sweet.
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
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Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
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Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very; ' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
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I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
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What would men be without women? Scarce, sir.. Mighty scarce.
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I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
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April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
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