As for Gussie Finknottle, many an experienced undertaker would have been deceived by his appearance and started embalming on sight.
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I'm not absolutely certain of the facts, but I rather fancy it's Shakespeare who says that it's always just when a fellow is feeling particularly braced with things in general that Fate sneaks up behind him with the bit of lead piping.
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Unseen in the background, Fate was quietly slipping lead into the boxing-glove.
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Great pals we've always been. In fact there was a time when I had an idea I was in love with Cynthia. However, it blew over. A dashed pretty and lively and attractive girl, mind you, but full of ideals and all that. I may be wronging her, but I have an idea that she's the sort of girl who would want a fellow to carve out a career and what not. I know I've heard her speak favourably of Napoleon. So what with one thing and another the jolly old frenzy sort of petered out, and now we're just pals. I think she's a topper, and she thinks me next door to a looney, so everything's nice and matey.
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This was not Aunt Dahlia, my good and kindly aunt, but my Aunt Agatha, the one who chews broken bottles and kills rats with her teeth.
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The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.
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Red hair, sir, in my opinion, is dangerous.
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He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more.
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It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.
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I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.
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Freddie experienced the sort of abysmal soul-sadness which afflicts one of Tolstoy's Russian peasants when, after putting in a heavy day's work strangling his father, beating his wife, and dropping the baby into the city's reservoir, he turns to the cupboards, only to find the vodka bottle empty.
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In a series of events, all of which had been a bit thick, this, in his opinion, achieved the maximum of thickness.
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A melancholy-looking man, he had the appearance of one who has searched for the leak in life's gas-pipe with a lighted candle.
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I know I was writing stories when I was five. I don't know what I did before that. Just loafed, I suppose.
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If there is one thing I dislike, it is the man who tries to air his grievances when I wish to air mine.
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