We spend the first 12 months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next 12 months teaching them to sit down and shut up.
Phyllis Diller
If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
kids baseball millionaire
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed
time argument americaandamericans
My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual
sound anger business cry frustration kitchen
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once
mistakes mistake made guy
It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core
beauty good deep skin thing
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
thetimes time home children parents relationships times run thing
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.
children mothers things
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
children teaching lives talk walk teachersandteaching
Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
time past present christmas day parties job forgotten
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor
thought kids bad thanksgiving cooking
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
funny sleep anger beds mad fight bed
Housework won't kill you, but then again, why take the chance?
funny humor housework
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
funny humor
funny parenting humor
Money's scarceTimes are hardHere's your fuckingXmas card
funny christmas humour
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