My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
My cousins gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.
My wife a great driver, she once hit a deer. It was in a zoo. There are a pair of shoes on the dashboard. they belong to the last guy she hit
My wife had her drivers test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear.
Once somebody stole our car. I asked my wife if she saw who it was. she said No, but I did get the license number.
My wife's not too smart. I told her our kids were spoiled. she said, all kids smell that way.
I bought a perfect second car ... a tow truck.
I bought a new Japanese car, I turned on the radio ... I don't understand a word they're saying.
I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.
Last week I was walking by a cemetery, two guys came after me with shovels. It was all about money.
Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guys pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.
The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.
I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.
I once asked a policeman how far it was to the subway. he said, I don't know, no one has ever made it.
I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
I came from a real tough neighborhood. In the local restaurant I sat down and had broken leg of lamb.
She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.
Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.
She looked at my calendar and wanted to know who JUNE was.
For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a tshirt with a bulls eye on the back.
One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
Why her cooking is so bad that the flies pitched in to fix the screen door. I leave dental floss in the kitchen and watch the roaches hang themselves.
My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
Once I opened up a fortune cookie and inside was the guy's cheque next to me I said hey buddy I got your cheque he said thanks
Boy were we poor, if I wasn't born a boy I would of had nothing to play with.