At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.
My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler's checks.
A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, Man, I wish I had your willpower.