S. J. Perelman Quotes

Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin. It's the triumphant twang of a bedspring.

dying love

Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.

learning living adults

A dreary industrial town controlled by hoodlums of enormous wealth, the ethical sense of a pack of jackals and taste so degraded that it befouled everything it touched.

wealth sense taste

I'll dispose of my teeth as I see fit, and after they've gone, I'll get along. I started off living on gruel, and by God, I can always go back to it again.

living teeth god

Under a forehead roughly comparable to that of Javanese and Piltdown man are visible a pair of tiny pig eyes, lit up alternately by greed and concupiscence.

man greed eyes visible

I guess I'm just an old mad scientist at bottom. Give me an underground laboratory, half a dozen atom-smashers, and a beautiful girl in a diaphanous veil waiting to be turned into a chimpanzee, and I care not who writes the nation's laws.

nations

He bit his lip in a manner which immediately awakened my maternal sympathy, and I helped him bite it.

manners