I was going to get an abortion the other day. I totally wanted an abortion. And it turns out I was just thirsty.
I don't set out to offend or shock, but I also don't do anything to avoid it.
It shows the truth - that the real meaning of a word is only as powerful or harmless as the emotion behind it.
emotionstruth
People need to feel like they're not being attacked, like they're in a safe space where no punches are being pulled.
They've got great parents; I'm just trying to be the fun uncle.
fun
I have a ton of Holocaust stuff, and some of it is really hard core.
I always want to laugh at the sad stuff. You don't need to laugh at the other stuff. I'm not numb to these things. I still go into really dark periods about Sept. 11. I think it's kind of like bullies. Bullies are just scared and thin-skinned, so they have to become bullies as a kind of survival tactic. I think comics are that way, too.
I think that's always how it's been, ... I certainly didn't invent it. Look at the people who are kind of the funniest cultures, they're the cultures of the people who have been the most oppressed, black people and Jews. Not that they're the only funny people, but culturally, it comes from the pain, you know?
Oh, this sounds so obnoxious, ... I'm not planning anything out. I'm just trying to be funny. I don't think any of it's particularly deep. It's just what interests me.
Guess what, Martin Luther King? I had a (expletive) dream, too.
Great News! If you quit being cunty the whole world will stop being against you!
advicesatiretwitter
I am diagnosed with not having enough insanely-addictive drugs coursing through my body.
depressionmedicine
Everybody blames the Jews for killing Christ, and then the Jews try to pass it off on the Romans. I'm one of the few people that believe it was the blacks.
blackpeoplepeople
People who call themselves divas...you are not a diva. I'm pretty sure you're a cunt.
people
The writers of Sanford and Son were so brave in bringing their program to television. I mean, working with all those black people!