I recently forced myself to read a book on quantum physics, just to try and learn something new. I was confused by the middle of the first sentence and it all went downhill from there. The only thing I can remember learning is that a parallel universe can theoretically be contained on the head of a needle. I don't really know what that means, but I am now more careful handling needles.
Stephan Pastis
I wish I didn't have to do it. But I'm standing on the deck of the Titanic and see the iceberg coming
titanic
If you put me in South Park, that audience is going to fall asleep in five minutes,.. It's a sad commentary that I'm edgy.
fall sad south asleep audience
Mostly as an outlet just to do something during class.
class
Those lectures were just terrible,.. I would draw this little rat who was on four legs. Whatever thoughts I had for the day I gave to him. It was therapeutic.
thoughts day legs terrible
I more or less stalked him. I guess that's the right word,.. I waited because I knew what time he came in for his English muffin and all that. Sure enough he showed up. I had some strips I had drawn, and I walked across the room.
time word english
When in doubt, kill cute things
doubt cute things kill
I have to update that,.. Jo Jo died. He got hit by a car.
car
My philosophy from looking at Dilbert was the art must not matter that much, because he was the biggest hit of the day,.. He didn't draw that well and neither did I. I figured if he could do it, maybe I had a chance.
chance philosophy art day matter
If you see me on the comics page, you assume total smart-ass, with no regard to the older strips,.. When it comes to Peanuts, at least, it couldn't be further from the truth. I probably know more than anybody you'd ever meet.
comics truth
If you look at other strips from the 1950s, he stuck out like a sore thumb. I'm sure he probably got some of the same complaint letters that I get now
letters complaint
Whenever I see people with their collars up, I'm tempted to point it out to them like you would for someone who has a food stain on their shirt or food in their teeth, as if to say, 'Your fashion sense is so offensive I'm assuming it's some sort of accident you'll want to fix.
fashion
When I say 'friends,' I use that term loosely, as I don't actually have any.
friends
physics
When I was at the University of California at Berkeley, I went to some classes that must have had more than four hundred students in them. I almost always sat in the far back of the auditorium so I could read the newspaper. I remember that I stayed late one day to ask the professor a question, and when I got up to him, all I could think to myself was, 'So this is what the professor looks like.
college newspaper
The phrase 'I just turn on my monkey and it makes me feel good' sounds very dirty, but I can't explain why. It's great to try to use expressions like that on the comics page. People want to complain but they can't, because they can't figure out quite what they should be complaining about.
comics complaints monkeys
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