My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance
Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work or prison.
Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.
Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words large or size with rear end. Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.
Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything.
While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.
Dad needs to show an incredible amount of respect and humor and friendship toward his mate so the kids understand their parents are sexy, they're fun, they do things together, they're best friends. Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they're going to respect Mom.
There are flaws in the way politics is reported in this country today and we should do something about it, ... Radio and television coverage of politics doesn't see its role as a mission to explain, but to destroy, in a pernicious culture in which journalists pit themselves against politicians.