Communism is like prohibition, it's a good idea but it won't work.
The more that learn to read the less learn how to make a living. That's one thing about a little education. It spoils you for actual work. The more you know the more you think somebody owes you a living.
There is nothing so stupid as the educated man if you get him off the thing he was educated in.
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out
We can't all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.
Ohio claims they are due a president as they haven't had one since Taft. Look at the United States, they have not had one since Lincoln.
Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate, now what's going to happen to us with both a House and a Senate?
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
If any of us had a child that we thought was as bad as we know we are, we would have cause to start to worry.
Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.
So live that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.
Nothing you can't spell will ever work.
You can't say that civilization don't advance, however, for in every war they kill you in a new way.
You can't say civilization don't advance... in every war they kill you in a new way.
There is good news from Washington today. Congress is deadlocked and can't act.
With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law, and every time they make a law it's a joke.
Being a hero is about the shortest lived profession on earth.
If you can build a business up big enough, it's respectable.
An economist's guess is liable to be as good as anybody else's.
Don't gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don't go up, don't buy it.
I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.
There ought to be one day just one when there is open season on senators.
Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.