More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
To you, I'm an atheist. To God, I'm the loyal opposition.
I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with, because there was a tremendous religious conflict, at the time. She was an atheist, and I was an agnostic.
I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know..I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland.
You rely too much on brain. The brain is the most overrated organ.
It's a match made in heaven.. By a retarded angel.
I'm not a drinker, my body won't tolerate.. Eh.. Spirits, really. I had two martinis New Years Eve and I tried to hi-jack an elevator and fly it to Cuba.
A deranged person is supposed to have the strength of ten men. I have the strength of one small boy.. With polio.
I should go to Paris and jump off of the Eiffel Tower. If I took the Concorde, I could be dead three hours earlier.
Your self-esteem is a notch below Kafka.
Honey, you're the one who stopped sleeping with me, OK?It'll be a year come April 20th. I remember the date exactly, because it was Hitler's birthday
I can't fight. I was once run over by a car with a flat tire, being pushed by two guys.
I was the captain of the latent paranoid softball team. We used to play all the neurotics on sunday morning. Nailbiters against the bedwetters, and if you've never seen neurotics play softball, it's really funny. I used to steal second base, and feel guilty and go back.
I took a puff of the wrong cigarette at a fraternity dance once, and the cops had to get me, y'know. I broke two teeth trying to give a hickie to the Statue of Liberty.
I came home one night, some month ago, and I went to the closet in my bedroom.. And a moth ate my sports jacket. He was laying on the floor, nauseous, y'know.