She has given me a way out.
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Coming home seemed to have started the healing process. No longer vivid and garish, the memories seemed to be covered in gossemer, fading behind a curtain of time and forgiveness.
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I quickly, swiftly, reach in, pluck out, and peer into the mirror. 'I am still here.' I am in the glass, in this moment. After this moment, I may not be here; I may be a person who does not know where she is, or why. I leave the kitchen table to bathe, and to dress for church. If only my closet held on its shelves an array of faces I could wear rather than dresses, I would know which face to put on today. As for the dresses, I haven't a clue.
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Mother (fragment).. You asked me if I would be sad when it happenedand I am sad. But the iris I moved from your housenow hold in the dusty dry fists of their rootsgreen knives and forks as if waiting for dinner, as if spring were a feast. I thank you for that. Were it not for the way you taught me to lookat the world, to see the life at play in everything, I would have to be lonely forever.
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Having a little girl has been like following an old treasure map with the important paths torn away.
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I never tired of picturing sharks.
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Probably there is nothing in human nature more resonant with charges than the flow of energy between two biologically alike bodies, one of which has lain in amniotic bliss inside the other, one of which has labored to give birth to the other. The materials are here for the deepest mutuality and the most painful estrangement.
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You were my home, Mother. I had no home but you
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Even as individuals become families and families become communities, and communities become nations, so eventually must the nations draw together in peace.
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Jeopardy, Mom! You have got to get on Jeopardy! Seriously! You could marry Alex Trebek! You could be Alex and Alex Trebek! You could be Alex SQUARED!
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My beloved has arrived, but rather than greeting him, All I can do is bite the corner of my apron with a blank expression- What an awkward woman am I. My heart has longed for him as hugely and openly as a full moonBut instead I narrow my eyes, and my glance to him Is sharp and narrow as the crescent moon. But then, I'm not the only one who behaves this way. My mother and my mother's mother were as silly and stumbling as I am when they were girls.. Still, the love from my heart is overflowing, As bright and crimson as the heated metal in a blacksmith's forge.
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I'm blessed and I couldn't be more grateful. Do you want to know why? Because I'm a mother, but that's only half of it. I'm blessed because, when I need to, I can still just be a daughter. I get the feeling that there is nothing more precious than to have both of these roles, simultaneously.
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My mother belonged to that group of low IQ individuals who find everything alarming and believe that raising your voice is the most effective form of communication.
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.. You are my rainbow to keep. My eyes will always be watching you; never will I lose sight of you.
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The first lesson every child of Athena learned: Mom was the best at everything, and you should never, suggest otherwise.
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