Not easy to state the change you made. If I'm alive now, I was dead, Though, like a stone, unbothered by it.
I need more than anything right now what is, of course, most impossible, someone to love me, to be with me at night when I wake up in shuddering horror and fear of the cement tunnels leading down to the shock room, to comfort me with an assurance that no psychiatrist can quite manage to convey.
I buried my head under the darkness of the pillow and pretended it was night. I couldn't see the point of getting up. I had nothing to look forward to.
When they asked me what I wanted to be I said I didn't know.
My mother said the cure for thinking too much about yourself was helping somebody who was worse off than you.