I want to write my own eulogy, and I want to write it in Latin. It seems only fitting to read a dead language at my funeral.
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I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair.
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If sex were shoes, I'd wear you out. But I wouldn't wear you out in public.
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You know, you're rather amusingly wrong.
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-Oh yes? Can you identify yourself?-Certainly. I'd know me anywhere.
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Writers don't get mad they get even in their novels.
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