Daphne Gottlieb - It sounds better than it is, this business of surviving,...

It sounds better than it is, this business of surviving, making it throughthe wrong placeat the wrong timeand livingto tell. When the talk shows and movie creditswear off, it's just me and my dumbluck. This morningI had that dream again: the one where I'm dead.I wake up and nothing'smuch different. Everything's gonesepia, a dirty bourbon glassby the bed, you're still dead.I could stumbleto the shower, scrub the luck of breath off my skinbut it's futile. The killer always wins. It's just a matterof time. And I havetime. I have grief and liquor tofill it. Tonight, the liquor and I aretalking to you. The liquor says, 'remember'and I fill in the rest, your hands, your smile. All those times. Remember. Tonight the liquor and Iare telling you about our day. We made it out of bed. We miss you. We were surprised by the blood betweenour legs. We miss you. We made it to the videostore, missing you. We stoppedat the liquor storehoping the bourbon would stopthe missing. There's always morebourbon, more missingtonight, when we got home, there was a stray catat the door. She came in. She screams to be touched. She screamswhen I touch her. She's rightat home. Not me. The whisky is openthe vcr is on.I'm runningthe film backwardsand one by oneyou come back to me, all of you. Your pulses stutter to a beginyour eyes go from fixed to blinkthe knives come out of your chests, the chainsawsroar outfrom your legsyour wounds seal overyour t-cells multiply, your tumors shrinkthe maniac killerdisappearsit's just you and meand the bourbon and the movieflickering togetherand the air breathes us and I am home, I amluckyI am rightbefore everythinggoes black

Daphne Gottlieb

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It sounds better than it is, this business of surviving, making it throughthe wrong placeat the wrong timeand livingto tell. When the talk shows and movie creditswear off, it's just me and my dumbluck. This morningI had that dream again: the one where I'm dead.I wake up and nothing'smuch different. Everything's gonesepia, a dirty bourbon glassby the bed, you're still dead.I could stumbleto the shower, scrub the luck of breath off my skinbut it's futile. The killer always wins. It's just a matterof time. And I havetime. I have grief and liquor tofill it. Tonight, the liquor and I aretalking to you. The liquor says, 'remember'and I fill in the rest, your hands, your smile. All those times. Remember. Tonight the liquor and Iare telling you about our day. We made it out of bed. We miss you. We were surprised by the blood betweenour legs. We miss you. We made it to the videostore, missing you. We stoppedat the liquor storehoping the bourbon would stopthe missing. There's always morebourbon, more missingtonight, when we got home, there was a stray catat the door. She came in. She screams to be touched. She screamswhen I touch her. She's rightat home. Not me. The whisky is openthe vcr is on.I'm runningthe film backwardsand one by oneyou come back to me, all of you. Your pulses stutter to a beginyour eyes go from fixed to blinkthe knives come out of your chests, the chainsawsroar outfrom your legsyour wounds seal overyour t-cells multiply, your tumors shrinkthe maniac killerdisappearsit's just you and meand the bourbon and the movieflickering togetherand the air breathes us and I am home, I amluckyI am rightbefore everythinggoes black Daphne Gottlieb

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sounds business surviving making throughthe wrong placeat timeand livingto talk shows movie creditswear dumbluck morningi dream dead wake 'smuch ' gonesepia dirty bourbon glassby bed stumbleto shower scrub luck breath skinbut futile killer wins matterof time havetime grief liquor tofill tonight aretalking 'remember' fill rest hands smile times remember iare telling day made miss surprised blood betweenour legs videostore missing stoppedat storehoping stopthe morebourbon missingtonight home stray catat door screams touched screamswhen touch rightat whisky openthe vcr runningthe film backwardsand oneyou back pulses stutter beginyour eyes fixed blinkthe knives chests chainsawsroar outfrom legsyour wounds seal overyour t-cells multiply tumors shrinkthe maniac killerdisappearsit' meand movieflickering togetherand air breathes amluckyi rightbefore everythinggoes black

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