Elizabeth Gaskell - And besides, in the matter of friendship, I have observed...

And besides, in the matter of friendship, I have observed that the disappointment here arises chiefly, from liking our friends too well, or thinking of them too highly, but rather from an over-estimate of liking for and opinion of ; and that if we guard ourselves with sufficient scrupulousness of care from error in this direction, and can be content, and even happy to give more affection than we receive -- can make just comparison of circumstances, and be severely accurate in drawing inferences thence, and never let self-love blind our eyes -- I think we may manage to get through life with consistency and constancy, unembittered by that misanthropy which springs from revulsions of feeling. All this sounds a little metaphysical, but it is good sense of if you consider it. The moral of it is, that if we would build on a sure foundation in friendship, we must love our friends for sakes rather than for ; we must look at their truth to, full as much as their truth to. In the latter case, every wound to self-love would be a cause of coldness; in the former, only some painful change in the friend's character and disposition -- some fearful breach in his allegiance to his better self -- could alienate the heart.(quoted from a letter by Charlotte Brontë to her publisher)