A good rule of thumb is that any environment that consistently leaves you feeling bad about who you are is the wrong environment.
introversion
Introvert conversations are like jazz, where each player gets to solo for a nice stretch before the other player comes in and does his solo. And like jazz, once we get going, we can play all night. Extrovert conversations are more like tennis matches, where thoughts are batted back and forth, and players need to be ready to respond. Introverts get winded pretty quickly.
I prefer to interact with people one-on-one. Any more than that, and the dynamic becomes competitive.
Whatever kind of introvert you are, some people will find you too much in some ways and not enough in others.
Though some of us like to get on stage, many introverts are content to put on their invisibility cloaks and watch. But well-meaning extroverts will have none of that! They need to draw us out, invite us to participate repeatedly and question why we are so depressed as to not want to join.
For introverts, who have limited energy for interaction, we need to be more thoughtful and deliberate about whom we meet which, happily, is what we do best.
I believed that if I had the whole story, if I had the opportunity to really know the person I was sitting with, there would be nobody I could not love.
It takes an extrovert to bring out my upbeat side. If it were up to me, everyone would probably just sit around talking about mysteries of the universe.
Online friends networks and dating sites, like the coffeehouse, are responding to the needs of introverts. We can write, not talk. We can get to the good stuff, and we can press delete as needed.
I talk with many Shadow Dwellers who are mystified by the fact that chatty workers are rarely reprimanded. Sit and gossip and you are fun; close the door (if you have one) and you are antisocial.
.. According to the prevailing extroversion assumption, inviting you is a nice gesture, and pressuring you is a compliment an indication that you are wanted. How many times have you equivocated on or even declined an invitation, only to be asked again and again?
We have an assumption here in America that the kind thing to do is to be friendly, which means being extroverted, even intrusive. The Japanese assume the opposite: being kind means holding back.
.. Efforts to make work fun only annoy most of us, especially the introvert.
I will say that the socially oblivious extroverts do not represent the whole. As with introverts, social skills are independent of extroversion: some are skilled, some are not. The skilled ones know how to listen. But in contrast to socially unskilled introverts, who keep to themselves, socially unskilled extroverts insist on socializing.
.. Ultimately I found my community by pursuing what I loved: writing, acting, art, coffeehouses.
Though I may be efficient at the family table, I linger at the table for two.
When introverts sense invasion, we instinctively shut down to protect our inner resources. But in doing so, we lose access to ourselves. From this defensive position, we may feel that our only options are to practice extroversion, go underground, or go crazy.
Because extroversion lines up so well with American values, we introverts often deprive ourselves of what we most enjoy and thrive on. So, for all of you who draw energy from inside, behind, underneath, or away from it all, welcome home.
I am rarely bored alone; I am often bored in groups and crowds.
His retreat into himself is not a final renunciation of the world, but a search for quietude, where alone it is possible for him to make his contribution to the life of the community.
Secondly, extroverts often incorrectly assume that introverts are suffering. Introverts internalize problems; we like to take things inside and work on them there. Extroverts prefer to externalize and deal with problems interactively. Because of this difference, introverts may seem psychologically burdened, while extroverts spread the burden around and seem healthier from an extroverted standpoint. But note that I said introverts like to take problems inside. Sure, an introvert can overdo it, but so can the extrovert who feels compelled to express every unresolved thought or emotion. The former gets depressed or anxious and goes to therapy; the latter sends others to therapy.
For the introvert, conversation can be a very limited forum for self-expression. When a song moves you, a writer gets you, or a theory enlightens you you and its creator are connecting in a realm beyond sight or speech.
Where else but cyberspace does the introvert have the opportunity to start in our comfort zone of written communication and talk later?
The Socially Accessible introvert looks like an extrovert on the outside and sees extroversion as a bar that he or she can never quite reach. These individuals are often very successful in social arenas, but fault themselves for not having more fun.
Regardless of how dead we feel in a crowd, we cling to the uniquely American assumption that associating is good and necessary and solitude is suspect.
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