When someone says something offensive and I want to voice my opinion, I hire a spokesman to beat that person up.
Benson Bruno
If the law can be broken it will. Anyone who breaks the law is a risk. You can break the law. So you see, I have to take you in for questioning. This produce stand has an ominous future.
funny criminal
I would rather die than be a plumber, but thanks to lead I can do both.
funny humor plumbing
Often stereotypically sandwiched between empty nest syndrome and retirement, rhinoplasty is actually a fluid phase that can occur before, after, or concurrently with any other life stage.
funny
Especially well known around the office is my weakness for dyspareunist women. Most people would find such disparity in unity repelling, but it harmonizes perfectly with my personal tastes.
funny harmony
The x-ray of your skull shows a large, flobby mass floating inside. I have to consult my colleagues to be certain, but it looks like a long sausage snarled into a lump.
funny brain
Stroking a blob as it rolled along her face with one hand, and with the other gently grasping a lump on the back of her accident-prone head, I told my sweet sack of potatoes I knew just what she needed. A thermometer reading.
funny comfort consolation
History is an endless repetition of the element of surprise.
funny humor history
Look, a mushroom cloud!Releasing fungus on us, huh? Hold your nose.
funny humor
funny humor opinions violence
The word 'no' is important for maintaining one's chastity, but 'porno' is indispensable. I always keep a dirty magazine tucked in my pants to ward off sexual pressure.
funny humor sex chastity virginity
Always be nice to people to their face. Then when they turn around, berate the back of their head.
funny humor politeness
Theists count themselves among the aforementioned. They affirm they will be saved a lot of confusion.
funny humor god
I'm courteous to most, but antisocial among polite society.
funny humor manners
I once knew a devout man who worshipped the idea of reverence. He was burned at the stake as a heretic.
funny humor devotion
How many types of curtains can there be? When I asked the salesman this, he banged on the organ and bellowed with laughter. But I saw those feet fidgeting. He just didn't know.
funny humor random
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