Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
Phyllis Diller
Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won't run.
women funny humor
aging getting-old
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.
children housekeeping
It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder, and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.
motherhood children parents
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
parenting home rest
There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.
money
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
thetimes time
Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
age
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
man age beauty
The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
women the-public
Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children.
work
There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?
medical men
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
chance
My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
pain
Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
wedding
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