Speak when you are angry - and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.
Going to church does not make you a Christian anymore than going to the garage makes you a car.
The advantage of modern means of communication is they enable you to worry about things in all of the world
Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.
Democracy is a process by which the people are free to choose the man who will get the blame.
Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are more pliable
Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away.
A man doesn't know what he knows until he knows what he doesn't know.
It's better to have loved and lost than to have to do forty pounds of laundry a week.
Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent.
Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.
Heredity is what sets the parents of a teenager wondering about each other.
Nobody can be perfect unless he admits his faults, but if he has faults how can he be perfect?
There are two kinds of egotists: Those who admit it, and the rest of us.
Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their level of incompetence.
Two things reduce prejudice: education and laughter.
If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk?
There are two kinds of failures: those who thought and never did, andthose who did and never thought.
If you don't know where you are going, you will probably end up somewhere else.
Expert: a man who makes three correct guesses consecutively.