The man who didn't want his wife to work has been succeeded by the man who asks about her chances of getting a raise.
Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure.
For the parents of a Little Leaguer, a baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown into innings.
Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death.
Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Gossip, n.: Hearing something you like about someone you don't.
No horse can go as fast as the money you put on it
Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break.
Ever notice that the whisper of temptation can be heard farther than the loudest call to duty.
Snow and adolescence are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough.
Modern man drives a mortgaged car over a bond-financed highway on credit-card gas.
One way to get high blood pressure is to go mountain climbing over molehills.
Always remember, money isn't everything - but also remember to make a lot of it before talking such fool nonsense.
Benjamin Franklin may have discovered electricity, but it was the man who invented the meter who made the money.
Isn't it a shame that future generations can't be here to see all the wonderful things we're doing with their money?
A woman may race to get a man a gift but it always ends in a tie.
Experience is what enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
Middle Age - later than you think and sooner than you expect.
He's an honest man - you could shoot craps with him over the telephone.
To sell something, tell a woman it's a bargain; tell a man it's deductible.
A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.
This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt.
Nonchalance is the ability to remain down to earth when everything else is up in the air.
Poise: the ability to be ill at ease inconspicuously.