Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day.
You always pass failure on the way to success.
A lot of people have asked me how short I am. Since my last divorce, I think I'm about 00, 000 short.
I buy women shoes and they use them to walk away from me.
I was a thirteen-year-old boy for thirty years
Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted the whole day.
I'm the only man in the world with a marriage licence made out to whom it may concern.
Had I been brighter, the ladies been gentler, the Scotch been weaker, had the gods been kinder, had the dice been hotter, this could have been a one-sentence story: Once upon a time I lived happily ever after.
It's confusing. I've had so many wives and so many children I don't know which house to go to first on Christmas.
I was a 14-year-old boy for 30 years.
You always pass failure on your way to success.
When I say I do, the justice of the peace replies, 'I know, I know...