Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.
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Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
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I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
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To you, I'm an atheist. To God, I'm the loyal opposition.
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I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with, because there was a tremendous religious conflict, at the time. She was an atheist, and I was an agnostic.
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Death doesn't really worry me that much, I'm not frightened about it.. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
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I can't do anything to death, doctor's orders.
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I broke up with this girl, and they put me with a psychiatrist who said, 'Why did you get so depressed, and do all those things you did?' I said, 'I wanted this girl and she left me.'And he said,'Well, we have to look into that.'And I said, 'There's nothing to look into! I wanted her and she left me.' And he said, 'Well, why are you feeling so intense?'And I said, 'Cause I want the girl!' And he said, 'What's underneath it?' And I said, 'Nothing!'He said, 'I'll have to give you medication.'I said, 'I don't want medication! I want the girl!'And he said, 'We have to work this through.'So, I took a fire extinguisher from the casement and struck him across the back of his neck. And before I knew it, guys from Con Ed had jumper cables in my head and the rest was..
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God is silent. Now if only man would shut up.
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If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.
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I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know..I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland.
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If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up.
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You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.
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My brain? That's my second favorite organ.
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I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.
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