Education, n.: That which discloses the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.
Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.
The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.
Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.
Brain an apparatus with which we think we think.
Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization.
Absurdity, n. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
Faith Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.
Pray To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
Barometer, n. An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.
Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic.
Painting The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.
Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.
Day, n. A period of twenty four hours, mostly misspent.
Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art.
Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.
Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
Politics, n. Strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles.
Ocean: A body of water occupying about twothirds of a world made for man who has no gills.
The covers of this book are too far apart.