Modern wife: A position thought to require great ambition to fill. After initially showing some skill at a maid service or department store, the husband takes her home to find that she has risen too high in the world to generalize that skill, which drives him to drink.
Bauvard
Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks.
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Housewife: a position requiring great ambition to fill. Must have the determination to scrub mold, the good taste to distribute a checking account, and the good will to repeat this at a maid service or department store after her husband starts coming home drunk.
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My spouse makes a lot of sacrifices for me. I've devoted all of myself to her, and she lops me off one piece at a time in tribute to her pagan love deity.
funny humor marriage sacrifice
Bad relationships are not lucrative at all. There is far more at stake in good relationships. Good relationships keep divorces protracted, psychologists employed, and children in jail where they belong. Without them society would collapse!
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A loyal American wife should never be without a gun in her purse, just in case her husband turns traitor.
funny humor marriage loyalty treachery
The only thing more amorous than pretending to be marriage partners is pretending to be capitalist ones. Money is less essential for success in capitalism than in marriage, so you can amuse yourself without worry.
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My marriage is crumbling and this hat is all I have left in the world - aside from my brilliant wit, my dastardly good looks, and my charming accent.
funny humor marriage
Men are always hanging around the florist in droves to buy flowers for each other's wives. The only thing worse than treachery is tackiness.
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To demand interest is part of the marriage debt. What man was never guilty of uxory?
funny humor marriage interest
When a man isn't married, it takes all the excitement out of the relationship. When a man is married, he just gets clingy and wants to leave his wife for you. That is why the only satisfying love affair a woman can have is with a boy. A boy on the cusp of manhood offers heterogeneous possibilities for monogamous adultery.
funny humor marriage adultery
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