You can't trust a promise someone makes while they're drunk, in love, hungry, or running for office.
Marriage love, honor, and negotiate.
Only grown ups have difficulty with childproof bottles.
You can always get the truth from a politician after he has turned seventy, or given up all hope of the Presidency.
America Where a man can say what he thinks, if he isn't afraid of his wife, his boss, his customer, his neighbors, or the government.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people He gives it to.
Marriage is like a dollar bill. You cannot spend half of it when you tear it in two. The value of one half depends upon the other.
The mind is a wonderful thing. It starts working the minute you're born, and doesn't stop until you get up to speak in public.
There are still some honest people left in the world, but they never seem to find anything you lose.
A simple fact that is hard to learn is that the time to save money is when you have some.
Appetizers are the little things you keep eating until you lose your appetite.
After a person makes his mark in the world, a lot of people will come around with erasers.
There are no answers, only cross-references.
Money is a strange thing. It ranks with love as our greatest source of joy, and with death as our greatest source of anxiety.
It's practically impossible to look at a penguin and feel angry.
It's hard to tell if the world is actually growing worse, or if the news coverage is just better.
Horse sense is what keeps horses from betting on people.
The people to fear are not those who disagree with you, but those who disagree with you and are too cowardly to let you know.
As a nation we are dedicated to keeping physically fit and parking as close to the stadium as possible.
Exhilaration is that feeling you get just after a great idea hits you, and just before you realize what's wrong with it.
If you want to make certain a job gets done, give it to somebody who is really busy. They'll have their secretary do it.
Childhood is that wonderful time when all you need to do to lose weight is take a bath.
It's hard to say who gets criticized the most, the successful person, or the failure but it's mighty close.
Before borrowing money from a friend it's best to decide which you need most.
A politician is a person who thinks twice before he says nothing.