We survived for days on nothing but food and water.
W.C. Fields
After two days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
days hospital
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
funny humor success fool succeed
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
funny humor hate prejudice free
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
funny humor food drinking wine cooking
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
funny humor belief drinking
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
funny humor
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
funny humor common-sense horses
funny humour
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
funny inspirational humour
If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
philosophy drinking
I like children. If they're properly cooked.
children
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
sleep cure insomnia
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
drinking
You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
funny humor water
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
names labels
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